he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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