A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
