I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
