I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
