my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
