Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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