Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
