you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
