i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
