the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
