sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
