I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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