I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
