Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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