I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
