A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
