We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
