Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
