She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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