dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
