Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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