My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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