I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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