my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
