it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He kissed a someone with a penis
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
