? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize