I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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