his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
