I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize