After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
