I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
