Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
