if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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