Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
