That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize