and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
