eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
