i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
