I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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