Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
