i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
