I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
