so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
