I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
