it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
