shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
