Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
