i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
