so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
