Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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