Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
