Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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