Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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