Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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