it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
