i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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