drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
