ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drunk is a universal language darling
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
