you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
