Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
